You have an addiction to this guy. Like I do to alcohol and others to drugs. The way to think about is it's not really about him. He's not healthy for you and he's never going to be or become so. Not ever. So you need to cut him off. Full stop.

No, this does not mean your life suddenly becomes better. All alcoholics who enter sobriety eventually hit the wall of the realization that all your others problems remain. They don't go away. And as difficult as it might have been to stop drinking, this is the moment when the really hard work of healing yourself begins.

Maybe you'll just be chasing "love" and "safety" with some other man, but not with that one. It's a start.